


your heart, my home

by chanson



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Homesickness, M/M, Pre-Slash, just something short and sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 04:31:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18113339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chanson/pseuds/chanson
Summary: Jaehyun hates the silence.





	your heart, my home

**Author's Note:**

> does this even count as a fic? idk

It’s become a habit.

No matter how many times Johnny jokes that he’s the living stereotype of every rich international student _ever_ , Jaehyun still walks around campus with his AirPods fit snugly in his ears. He barely even notices them anymore.

To be fair, Jaehyun isn’t _trying_ to look like an elitist douchebag. Truthfully, he’s far less concerned by how others perceive him and far more bothered by the oppressive stillness that threatens to crush him anytime he’s alone.

He’s never been overly fond of silence, but his distaste for it has grown exponentially since he moved to the States two months ago. It’s like the quiet has acquired a life of its own; a monster lurking just out of sight.

Music keeps it at bay. Whenever he’s in his apartment, his Bluetooth speaker is hooked up to Spotify, and if he’s not in class or mid-conversation, he’s listening to music to block out the echo of silence that surrounds him. It’s a bandaid solution, curing the symptoms rather than the disease, but it’s enough for the time being, and for Jaehyun, listening to music has become as compulsive as it is necessary.

(If he doesn’t allow himself to acknowledge the hollowness, then he doesn’t have to think about what is missing. Or _who_.)

 

 

The latest Childish Gambino album is blasting in his ears as he walks home after a long day of classes, when the incessant beeping of an incoming FaceTime call cuts through the track. The name brings an automatic smile to his lips and he accepts the call with eager fingers. It’d be lying to say he hadn’t been hoping for this.

Doyoung’s grinning face fills the screen, causing a bubble of warmth to swell in Jaehyun’s chest. With Seoul being so many hours ahead of Los Angeles, he’s come to expect calls from his best friend in the early evenings, which is the next morning for Doyoung.

Indeed, Doyoung looks deliciously sleep-rumpled, as though he’s only just dragged himself out of bed—which he probably has. He’s dressed in an oversized hoodie and the morning light shining through his kitchen window softens his features, making him appear deceptively gentle.

There are a few moments of fumbling on Doyoung’s end as he finds the optimal placement for his phone, stopping when he’s satisfied that he’s got a clear view of Jaehyun and Jaehyun of him.

“Did I catch you at a good time?” Doyoung asks, walking towards his fridge and proceeding to pull out various ingredients he’ll need to make breakfast.

Jaehyun’s stomach growls on cue. Although he’s a perfectly competent chef himself, he misses Doyoung’s cooking. He’d even tried to recreate Doyoung’s signature dishes a few times to limited success; it never tastes quite the same—likely because Doyoung tends to be overly indulgent with the salt and spices.

“It’s always a good time to hear from you, hyung,” Jaehyun replies with a smile that makes his dimples deepen. It’s mostly for Doyoung’s benefit because Jaehyun knows he likes the sweet dongsaeng shtick, no matter how adamantly he denies it.

Predictably, Doyoung rolls his eyes, but Jaehyun catches the pleased smile that works its way onto his lips.

“What time is it? Is it evening already? Shouldn’t you be getting ready to go out or something?”

Doyoung has always been the type to fuss, and that hasn’t changed even now that there’s an ocean between them.

“It’s barely six. Stop worrying so much,” Jaehyun says as he walks up the stairs to his apartment and unlocks the door. In a stroke of good fortune, he’d been hooked up with a sweet studio apartment for the duration of his stay.

Doyoung frowns. “I just want you to make the most of your Friday night. Time will fly by and you’ll regret it later if all you did was stay in and keep to yourself.”

That’s pretty rich coming from Doyoung, president of the homebody union, but Jaehyun knows it comes from a place of genuine concern. Jaehyun is naturally introverted and has always been a bit shy around strangers, and Doyoung can’t help but worry that while living in a foreign country, Jaehyun will be tempted to isolate himself.

(“ _Don’t miss me too much_ ,” Doyoung had said. His words were firm—a command—even as Jaehyun noticed his eyes glistening with unshed tears. That utter sap.)

It’s for Doyoung’s sake, as much as his own, that he’s doing his best to put himself out there and try new things. It’s what Jaehyun wanted too, after all; a semester abroad and a chance to experience American culture.

And he is enjoying it, _really_. It’s exhilarating and different and he’s learning a lot more than he expected to. But it’s also draining, and after a day of socializing, he isn’t always in the mood to go out again. 

“Who says I’m not?” Jaehyun says, stretching out across his bed. “I’m making the most of this luxurious studio apartment the International Students Office so kindly provided me with.”

Doyoung steps out of frame to reach for a frying pan, but his scoff is loud and unimpressed. “What’s the point in traveling all the way to America to study if you’re not gonna go to those crazy frat parties?”

Jaehyun laughs. “I’ve been to them before, hyung. Honestly, they’re not that special. I prefer bars.”

“It’s a _cultural experience_ ,” Doyoung replies huffily, though Jaehyun doubts Doyoung would be saying the same if by some hilarious twist of fate he ever wound up at a frat party himself.

Jaehyun amuses himself by imagining the way Doyoung’s lips would curl in disgust at the sticky floors and the writhing, sweaty masses of drunk college students before he’d hiss some equally scathing and hilarious remark to Jaehyun under his breath.

Tucking his head into his pillow, he suppresses a sigh.

He misses Doyoung. That’s the simple truth. It’s too silent without him, which doesn’t even make sense because Jaehyun has made plenty of friends, and Americans are loud anyway, and really, Johnny talks just as much as Doyoung does.

He misses Doyoung, but that’s not what Doyoung wants to hear. Doyoung wants to hear that he’s thriving—flourishing with his newfound independence—not longing for the moments when the two of them would pass the afternoons studying in Doyoung’s apartment, legs tangled together on the couch. If he told him as much, his friend would be riddled with misplaced guilt and that’s the last thing Jaehyun wants. Doyoung has enough people begging for his care and attention and time and Jaehyun will do anything to be one less burden on his back.

So Jaehyun forces a smile, puts on a brave face.

“I’ll go out later, hyung,” Jaehyun reassures, exhaling softly. He’s exhausted though. No matter how well Jaehyun may be adapting, it’s still been a culture shock, and even he, a veritable chameleon, gets tired after a day of changing skins, of trying to stay sharp and present in a language he’s still learning the finer points of.

Despite his effort to mask it, Doyoung must hear something in his voice because his tone softens when he asks, “Jaehyunnie? Are you doing okay?”

“‘Mm fine,” Jaehyun mumbles, half his face pressed into the pillow. “Just tired. It’s been a long week.”

He pauses. Doyoung is clearly waiting for him to elaborate, but Jaehyun wouldn’t know where to start. He’s fine. Logically, _everything is fine_. And yet lately, there’s a growing distance between what he knows to be logically true and how he _feels_.

“Can you—,” he swallows, “can you just stay on the line for a bit? Just tell me about your day?”

He doesn’t even really know what he’s asking for. A break from the silence that is pressing down on him, maybe. A reprieve from the homesickness that grips his throat in a chokehold.

Doyoung gets it though and has the good grace not to linger on the issue or to make Jaehyun feel any more awkward for asking. He’s always understood Jaehyun, maybe even better than Jaehyun understands himself.

“Of course,” Doyoung replies gently. Without further hesitation, he launches into a dramatic retelling of Jeno’s latest failed attempt to capture Mark’s attention, all the while remaining oblivious to Jaemin's woeful stares. A melodramatic love triangle with all it’s youthful absurdity. Jaehyun smiles and closes his eyes, letting Doyoung’s soothing voice and the simmering cooking sounds in the background wash over him.

With his eyes closed, he’s transported back to Seoul, to Doyoung’s kitchen where he’s sat so many times before, listening to him talk about his day. With his eyes closed, the distance disappears entirely.

 

 

Jaehyun doesn’t know when he nodded off, but when he wakes up it’s dark outside and the line has disconnected. It’s quiet in his apartment, although it doesn’t feel quite so terrible this time.

He rubs his face, trying to get rid of the groggy feeling, and gropes blindly in the sheets until he finds his phone. The screen reads 10:18 pm, which means he slept for almost four hours.

A deluge of notifications accumulated while he was napping, and he swipes them away one by one. Johnny sent a text half an hour ago saying that he and a group of guys are headed to the Sigma Chi party and asking if he wants to join. The night is still young enough for a party, but despite what he promised Doyoung, Jaehyun would much rather heat up some leftovers and numb his mind with Netflix.

He types his excuses to Johnny before scrolling through the rest of his messages. He saves Doyoung’s for last. 

As usual, Doyoung rambles even when he texts.

  **From: Doyoungie-** **Hyung [ 8:11 ]:**    
  
sorry i hung up. i promised taeyong i’d stop by the studio  
not like it matters since you fell asleep ::eyeroll emoji::  
btw are you getting enough rest?  
just bc i’m not there to nag you doesn’t mean you can stay up all night playing video games, jung  
ok i just ordered you some B12 supplements from amazon. should arrive by monday. make sure you take them!!!

Jaehyun can practically hear Doyoung’s voice as he reads them—that mix of tireless nagging, teasing insults, and genuine fondness that Jaehyun is pathetically soft over.

He’s thinking of his reply when he sees a message he’d overlooked due to the lack of text. It’s an audio file; sent two hours after the previous one. 

Interest piqued, Jaehyun downloads it. Seconds later, Doyoung’s melodious voice fills the room.

He’s singing a song Jaehyun recognizes from the radio and based on the quality of the acoustics, he deduces that Doyoung probably recorded it at Taeyong’s studio, but all of those are fleeting observations, as Jaehyun is wholly immersed by Doyoung’s voice. Listening to Doyoung sing will always be one of the greatest privileges of his life.

A smile spreads across his face. He’s not sure if Doyoung knew how empty he’d been feeling, but somehow he thinks he did. After all, it’s not the first time Doyoung has known exactly what Jaehyun needed even when he couldn’t articulate it; that’s just one of the many reasons why Jaehyun loves him.

The entire clip lasts for nearly two and a half minutes and Jaehyun hits ‘replay’ before the final chords fade out.

The longer he listens, the calmer he feels. A knot loosens in his chest and his breathing evens out. Jaehyun feels lighter than he has in weeks as he listens to Doyoung’s harmonies fill every corner and crevice in the room, chasing away unseen monsters as he hits every note, voice crisp and clear and strong.

Finally, he's found something to fill the silence.

 

**Author's Note:**

> just a short ficlet i wrote on the spur of the moment. it's probably riddled with inaccuracies, but hopefully this was still moderately enjoyable. thanks for reading! 
> 
> also, i just want to add that staying in is valid, feeling homesick is valid, and needing your friends is valid. _you_ are valid! <3
> 
> [♫](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TpD7NlOS9c)


End file.
